#67: Heather Locklear presents Your Personal Workout
11/11/2014
A 3 level workout of energy, power & grace to be done one after another or in any combination of the 3 – you decide!
Oh Heather, how love thee. This is a pretty decent workout tape (my abs are still totes sore, perhaps I should do these tapes less sporadically…). It is relatively easy to follow along with while at the same time keeping up a fast pace with succinct & no nonsense instruction. It made me quite happy that although Heather was wearing bright bold colors & smiling most of the time, I still felt like I was being directed (& just a little bit judged) by Amanda Woodward! What a motivator! Of all my celebrity work out tapes, this one has the worst soundtrack with some crappy stock
music & not as crappy saxophone but this was made up
for by the amazing outfits & the modern 90s style where they include a DUDE in the fitness chorus. Overall, well done Ms. Locklear!
After moving with his family to the coastal town of Santa Carla, a young man falls in with a very bad crowd.
So technically I didn’t watch this in my basement whilst working out but I did watch it at Raven’s house before walking the 5 miles from there to home, in 80 degree weather, most of the time carrying my score of 7 VHS videos &18 records, so I think it still counts. Anyways, this is one of my all time favorite movies for many reasons – the incredible cast, the amazing one liners (death by stereo!), the crazy clothes, the fantastic soundtrack – everything about this movie is just so awesome. I have loved Jason Patrick since I saw him in the superb after school special ‘Toughlove’ & aside from that & Rush, this may be his best role – it utilizes his pouty mouth perfectly. Kiefer Sutherland is at his all time hottest as the vampire gang leader with a miraculously toe headed mullet to die for. Alex Winter has very few lines in his role but he rocks a similarly sweet mullet so that kind of makes up for it. Both of the Coreys showcase their finest work & some of the most outrageous outfits of all (at one point I’m pretty sure Haim is in a mumu) & supply the majority of the comic relief. Jami Gertz is perfect as the hippie dippy woman of intrigue (I love how stoked she is at the sexy sax man show, now that’s impressive acting). Diane Wiest plays the role she plays so very well (& often) – loving but concerned mom trying to figure out how to handle her crazy kids. And of course, there’s Grandpa, with the most endearing character of all & by far the best lines. Everyone is just SO good (& for the most part super attractive, which is nice). I also think this is one of the best cinematic examples of creating the perfect mood for the setting with the location, music & attitude. The town & vampires are so nicely crafted, it makes you want to go there & hang out with them even though they are total peer pressuring jerks & you would probably have a terrible time but at least you’d be in a beautiful abandoned underground vintage hotel with pretty pretty undead people. Overall, an unbeatable feat of movie genius.
1/26/22
A favorite from Issue #3! One of several horror films featured in this issue since it was October when I wrote them.
Frank Dux attempts to honor his sensei by fighting in a brutal underground competition, against the wishes of the army & its authorities.
This movie is so bad, it’s wonderful. There’s hardly a plot, the acting is atrocious & the fight scenes are oftentimes laughable but all of this sucks you in somehow, mesmerizing you with its B Movie magic. The flashbacks of young Jean Claude Van Damme contain some of the worst acting I’ve ever seen (that is saying a lot considering my love of bad movies), the training montage where he is tied to 2 trees spread eagle nearly made me choke on my water & the ‘I love you bro’ scene at the end between him & his hulking but charming pal made me so happy I literally had to exclaim my joy (alone, in my basement… Don’t judge). Other bonus perks to this film: 1) Forest Whitaker playing a bumbling cop trying unsuccessfully to keep
Jean Claude from the competition 2) the sweet song ‘Fight to Survive’ that plays throughout most of the
movie (perfect for pacing my bike riding & fun to sing along with as they chant ‘kumatie’- the name of the competition). I’ll stop gushing & say finally that this movie is worth watching at least as many times as Jean Claude does the splits during it.
Turbo slut Jimmy Reardon (River Phoenix) tramps his way around town trying to figure out what to do with his life after graduating from high school.
It’s fortunate that River is one of the prettiest people who ever lived since his character in this would be nearly impossible to watch otherwise. Meredith Salanger (lovely to see her in something aside from Natty Gann), Ione Skye and Matthew Perry play slightly less reprehensible roles but, really, no one in this movie is likable. The warm hearted ending (spoiler alert) has Jimmy bonding with his dad (finally) because Jimmy slept with the same lady his dad was having an affair with. Although morally bankrupt, still an ok movie & worth wasting 85 minutes on.
12/22/21
An excerpt from zine Issue #1 chosen primarily because I like the term ‘turbo slut’.
This movie is truly terrible. Tom Cruise is at his douche-baggy finest as a creepy, misogynistic, money obsessed a-hole who manages to knock up & manipulate a naïve, previously self confident Elisabeth Shue. Boo! The only enjoyable part is the uncredited bar patron role played by Brenda & Brandon‘s dad in Jamaica.
12/22/21
Here is the very first ever Rewound Review written way back in 2014! My reviews have grown a lot over the years so it’s kind of fun to look back at the simpler times.
Most of my other reviews are longer than this one but most still do not take up two pages of the RWR zine so, for everyone’s enjoyment, I’ve added in lots of pictures, fun ‘facts’ and activities to fill in the space. Order one today to check out the fun for yourself!
